Sunday Stealing: If…

xenophobia

The current iteration of Sunday Stealing is If…

1. If you could change the ending to one movie you have seen, which one would it be, and how would you reshoot it?

At the end of Titanic, Rose is brought back to the site three-quarters of a century after the disaster. She drops the Heart of the Ocean necklace into the ocean. I think this was supposed to be romantic. It feels like the last three-quarters of a century in her life, with children and grandchildren, was meaningless.

But it’s better than an alternative ending which was filmed but not used. “Lizzy (Rose’s granddaughter) spots her grandmother climb up on the railings. She rushes forward with Brock [the expedition leader]… Rose tells them not to get any closer. She holds up the Heart of the Ocean and threatens to drop it.

“Brock pleads with Rose to let him hold the diamond just once, but Rose tells Brock that he ‘looks for treasure in the wrong places,’ telling him that life is priceless and they should make each day count.

“Rose tosses the diamond overboard while Brock’s team shows up and watches on incredulously. The same scene of the gem hitting the water is used before we cut back to Brock and Rose. The former laughs at his team before asking Lizzy to dance.”

Vegetables

2. If you were to select a food that best describes your character, what food would it be?

Spinach. Green, crunchy, underappreciated.

3. If you could cure any disease, which would it be?

Cancer seems to manifest as several different diseases. My father died of prostate cancer, but I know several people who have died of other cancers. My dear choir friend Marion Motisher died, and I was a pallbearer on my 39th birthday.

4. If you had to describe the single worst thing a friend could do to you, what would it be?

I have a current example of someone I considered a dear friend. They accidentally butt-dialed me some months ago but promised to call me soon—radio silence. 

5. If you could be a contestant on any game show, which would you like to be on?

The $100,000 Pyramid, no doubt. I tried out for it in the 1970s when I was living in NYC, when it was the $10,000 Pyramid, but I never got past the first round. I enjoy watching it when it returns each summer.

Funereal

6. If you could choose the music at your own funeral, what would it be, and who would play it?

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. I would like a pianist I know to play Chopin’s “Raindrop Prelude” Op.28 No.15. Of course, my church choir would sing. I have a few possibilities. I Will Not Leave You Comfortless by Titcomb,  which the choir just sang at the funeral of a choir spouse. Or How lovely is thy dwelling place from the Brahms German Requiem (in English), which I sang with others at my former church for Jim Kalas; there are probably other choices.  I want hymns that have harmony vocals; no unison stuff. And I want an Amen; we don’t sing amens – maybe a Sevenfold one.

7. If you had to spend all of your vacations in the same place for the rest of your life, where would you go?

Montreal, Quebec, Canada. I was there in 1991 and 1992 but not since.

8. If you could ask God a single question, what would it be?

This is a serious answer because all the Big Questions about the afterlife would be self-evident. When I was about twelve, I walked down the street in Binghamton, NY. Suddenly, a lens on the glasses I was wearing cracked. What happened? I heard nothing. It couldn’t have been a BB gun, I don’t think. Was it a tiny meteorite? In any case, my eye was fine, but I was greatly startled.

Almost picked ice cream

9. If you could eat one food in any quantity for the rest of your life with no ill effects whatsoever, what food would you choose?

Pie because it is the perfect food. You can have savory like a chicken pot pie. You can have a variety of fruit pies, and I would eat them in rotation. Then there’s pizza.

10. If you could have a year anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?

New Zealand. It’s about as far away from me as you can get. It’s a reasonably safe place. They speak English there. And I could meet Arthur.

11. If you could forever eliminate one specific type of prejudice from the earth, which would it be?

May I pick xenophobia? No? Okay, I’m going with sexism because the current manifestation of it, in big ways (Iran) and small, diminish men as well as women.

12. If you could own one painting from any collection in the world but were not allowed to sell it, which work of art would you select?

The Scream by Edvard Munch. I relate to it sometimes.

13. If you could ask a single question of a dead relative, what would it be, and whom would you ask?

That would be Pop, my father’s dad. Someone told me something about him I had never heard before, and I wanted to verify it.

DVD on DVD

14. If you had to choose the best television show ever made, which one would you pick?

I will pick The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961-1966). It’s one of three programs that ran longer than a season for which I have the complete DVD set. Not incidentally, I just discovered that you could see the episodes at  https://www.youtube.com/@FilmRiseTelevision/playlists FilmRise Television.

15. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

I’m a terrible letter writer. And I used to be quite good before the advent of email. I’ll say my friend Mark because he writes lovely and loquacious prose.

Favorite single episode of a sitcom?

a shammy

Greg Burgas, the scoundrel, asked: What’s your favorite single episode of a sitcom?

I find this exercise difficult. There may be bits of a story that I remember. Think of the turkey episode of WKRP in Cincinnati. It may be that Les Nessman’s reportage is enough. But I don’t specifically recall the rest of the show. Ditto the last episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, the mass movement to the tissues. Or Jim taking a driving test on Taxi. Or the last few minutes of the Newhart finale.

Lots of shows may have a great A story, but the B story, not so much. I’ll admit there are certain elements I’m always a sucker for. One is the inclusion of game shows that I like. JEOPARDY on Cheers. Password on The Odd Couple.

But I don’t rewatch enough sitcoms to be sure, with two exceptions. That said, I picked these.

Sammy’s visit episode of All In The Family, with Sammy Davis, Jr. Sammy sits in Archie’s chair, and Arch says nothing.

The Tuttle episode of MASH (1973). “Throughout his childhood, Hawkeye had an imaginary friend, Tuttle, who knocked over garbage, broke windows, and wet the bed. When Hawkeye resurrects ‘Captain Tuttle’ to requisition food and supplies for Sister Theresa and the orphanage, he stirs up a mare’s nest.”

The Car episode of Barney Miller (1981). “A car thief’s conscience haunts him twenty-five years after the fact.” Two things stand out forty years later. When the original owner saw the vehicle, she complained, “It’s so PINK.” And the thief said that he wiped the car clean regularly with a shammy.

Three Valentines episode of Frasier (1999). “Three different stories following Frasier, Daphne, Niles, and Martin on Valentine’s Day.” Specifically Niles ironing. Valentine’s Day can suck.

The exceptions

I watched I Love Lucy. A lot. I’ve picked the Harpo Marx episode of I Love Lucy (1955). I could have selected Vitameatavegamin or the one with the stomping grapes. Now we have a boxed set, though my daughter had commandeered it after we bought it at the Lucy-Desi Museum.

The other is The Dick Van Dyke Show. Even before getting the DVDS DVD, there were lots of bits (walnuts, a Christmas show, and anything involving Laura in capri pants) I recall. But I’ll pick three episodes that have stuck in my mind since I was a kid.

One was probably BECAUSE I was a child when I saw it. What’s In A Middle Name? (1962) “Ritchie finds his birth certificate and wants an explanation for his middle name being Rosebud.” And I remembered all of the components. There’s something fundamental about the kid’s identity crisis.

Coast To Coast Big Mouth (1965) “Laura accidentally spills the beans on a nationally televised talk show that Alan Brady is bald.” Carl Reiner talking to toupees was classic.

But the #1 episode has to be That’s My Boy?? (1963) “During a flashback about his early days as a parent, Rob recounts why he believed Laura and he brought home a baby belonging to someone else.” When the punchline came, I laughed hysterically, as did the audience.

March rambling: Believe in Freedom

Have a little heart.

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes!

h/t to Dan VR

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Clarence Thomas and his ‘Shady Ties to Sprawling Network of Dark Money’

Ku Klux Klan on Long Island

Alice Green: We Who Believe In Freedom

Finally, Congress Passes Emmett Till Bill Making Lynching A Hate Crime

Pixar Employees Say Disney’s Statement on Commitment to LGBTQ Community Rang Hollow

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North Korea Hacked Him. So He Took Down Its Internet

The Rise and Fall of a Prison Town Queen

How 25 Years of ‘Arthur’ Reflects the Legacy and Future of PBS Kids

Why do we still love The Dick Van Dyke Show? Celebrate the 60th anniversary of our favorite sitcom! by David Van Deusen

Yes, it’s settled, but don’t call the MLB lockout millionaires vs. billionaires; there were far bigger stakes and The 100 Best Baseball Books Ever Written

America’s fastest-growing sport is pickleball

The glee over the March 1 Wheel Of Fortune, er, misfortune irritated me. The contestants were harrassed, not only on social media but even by phone and in person. As host Pat Sajak said, “Have a little heart.” And as someone recently reminded me, “common knowledge” is less true now than it used to be.

*ABA – The Goodest Language Universal

How to find your lost gadget

Kelly Sedinger, fka Jaquandor, has been blogging for 20 years!

Wordle cartoon
Wordle 263 4/6

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Infinity cartoon

RIP

William Hurt (Broadcast News,  The Big Chill, The Accidental Tourist, Altered States, The Incredible Hulk)

Tim Considine (My Three Sons, Spin and Marty)

Johnny Brown (Good Times, Laugh-In)

Alan Ladd Jr. (greenlit Star Wars, produced Braveheart)

Conrad Janis (Mork and Mindy, trombonist

Farrah Forke (Wings)

Sally Kellerman (Hot Lips Houlihan in MAS*H movie)

Emilio Delgado (Luis on Sesame Street)

50 years ago, 17 died when a plane crashed into an Albany home

Ukraine

Weekly Sift (March 7): Notes on the War

Fighting its War of Independence

Teaching About the Russian Invasion

Tucker Carlson wants his audience to forget about what he had said after “pivot”

KyivNotKiev

A Beautiful Resistance

Boston Globe culture columnist, Jeneé Osterheldt, created this to celebrate and center Black Joy and Black lives and the lives of other folks of color, too. Mental health resources compiled by Jeneé:

Good Grief – grief resources

Unmute – match with the right therapist for you

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation -Mental Wellness Support Program

The Trevor Project – Supporting Transgender and Nonbinary Youth

Invitation
Friends & Foundation of APL National Library Week Luncheon
 April 5, 2022, at 12pm
The Kitchen Table | 300 Delaware Ave | Albany, NY

Join us on Tuesday, April 5th to gather with friends old and new. 
We will celebrate our past president, Holly McKenna, and wish her the best of luck in her next endeavors.
And we will remember our dear Friends, Paul Hacker and David Colchamiro, who passed away last year.

Now I Know

The Bad Reason It’s Not Treason

The Not So Stupid History of Dunce Caps

The Man With Dolphin Karma

The Golden Boxes of Cheerios

The Crappiest Way to Scare People?

MUSIC

Prayer for Ukraine from Clare College, Cambridge

Beyond Context by Svitlana Azarova

Telnyuk Sisters

Luminescent (new song!) and Sign Of The Times – Petula Clark

Coverville 1392: Green Day Cover Story II

Rock The Boat – Hues Corporation

The Circle of Life from The Lion King

August rambling: look to the Founders

148 Bonnie Meadow Road in New Rochelle, NY

Simon Bar Sinister
Underdog villain Simon Bar Sinister, and a former NYC mayor

When Even the IEA Sounds an Alarm on Climate, the World Must Listen. “It is unequivocal that human influence has warmed the atmosphere, oceans, and land,” – The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).  Burnt parts of Pacific forests are landing on the Atlantic.

Lying about vaccination status. Some people are going to intense lengths to get unauthorized COVID booster shots and When it comes to COVID vaccines, look to the Founders for answers

The Once and Future Coup

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Housing Discrimination and Emergency Medical Services  

After The Fall. Ben Rhodes raises a hard question: How did America get from the pinnacle of our Cold War victory to this sorry place?

Persepolis “Banned” in Commack, NY

Nearly 14M Individual Tax Returns Still Need Processing

The lie of “expired” food and the disastrous truth of America’s food waste  problem

Re: Simone Biles:  Olympians Are People First and Sports Culture’s Toxic Masculinity and ask yourself the questions on this decision tree

Gender inequality in esports

The Cleveland Indians/Guardians a teachable moment?

Are journalism programs properly training students to navigate harassment?

How Rudy Guiliani Went From 9/11’s Hallowed Mayor to 2021’s Haunted Ghoul

Sure, we got a billion bucks lyin’ around someplace (new Buffalo Bills stadium on the public dole?)

The worst money we’ve ever spent

7 Questions About America (from My Danish Husband) I Just Can’t Answer

Explaining the Different Post-Colonial Trajectories of Ireland and Haiti

Childhood of Some (In)Famous Americans

The culture

There’s a reason for the “k” in “knife”

The floorplan of 148 Bonnie Meadow Road in New Rochelle, NY — home of Rob and Laura Petrie and their son Ritchie.

Mark Evanier:  Flying the 747 (1970)

Dream of the Green Turtle, in mid-1944, arguably the first East Asian superhero

Poetry on Vinyl: An Interview with Jeff Alessandrelli of Fonograf Editions

The Oatmeal: Why it breaks your brain to take a compliment and You should love yourself and Leaving your pets at home

Colour trends of the year

Now I Know:  The Village That Went Dark and Was Proud of It and The Staircase With the Traffic Light and  Happy Belated Birthday, Australian Horses! and The Hidden Danger in the Walls of Your Old House and Why Congress Gets Free Men’s Magazines and Where’d the R in Mrs. Come From? and The Bugs That Make Danger Glow and There was once a Mickey Mouse gas mask. Here’s why and  The Great Cookie– er, Biscuit– er, Cake Debate of 1991

FFAPL

2021 Literary Legends Tickets on sale NOW. The program is on Saturday, October 16, 2021, at the Pine Hills branch of the APL. Support the Friends and Foundation of the Albany Public Library and join us as we celebrate this year’s honorees, Lydia Davis and Eugene Mirabelli. General tickets

The Friends and Foundation were very sad to learn that former Friends president Paul Hacker passed away in July. This follows the news about David Colchamiro, who passed away in June.

MUSIC

Sharp Little Pencil: Loving You Today

Find My Way – Paul McCartney and Beck

Drive My Car – MonaLisa Twins

Mr. Popeil – “Weird Al” Yankovic. (RIP, Ron Popeil.)

Overture to La Cenerentola by Giachino Rossini

Rough Boy – ZZ Top

Coverville 1366: The Depeche Mode Cover Story III and 1367: Tribute to ZZ Top’s Dusty Hill, and Cover Stories for Tony Bennett and Martha and The Vandellas and 1368: Track by Track Album Cover – Who’s Next

Footsteps in the Snow by Claude Debussy – Des pas sur la neige (Préludes – Book I)

A Musical 

Love and Mercy – Libera

Contrafactum – noun: A composition that makes use of an existing piece of music with different lyrics

Stories Behind 12 of Aretha Franklin’s Greatest Hits

10 Beatles Hits That ‘Rip Off’ Other Songs

Inside the Making of Prince’s Posthumous Album, Welcome 2 America

The “good death” of Carl Reiner

Denny O’Neil, David Mazzucchelli, and me

It appears that Carl Reiner had a good death on June 29. The 98-year-old was productive and vital until the very end.

This is very clear as I was watching If You’re Not In the Obit, Eat Breakfast, the 2017 documentary for which Reiner was nominated for an Emmy. I caught it on July 3.

He “tracks down several nonagenarians [and older] to show how the twilight years can be rewarding.” The participants included Fyvush Finkel, who died before the release; the recently deceased Kirk Douglas; Betty White; Dick Van Dyke, with his much younger wife Arlene; Norman Lear; and naturally, his friend of 70 years, Mel Brooks. Here’s the preview.

I’m pleased to note that my daughter has watched all five seasons of The Dick Van Dyke Show, which Carl Reiner created, and which I love. Of course, he played the irritable TV star, Alan Brady, as well as the budding English anti-existentialist Yale Sampson, and several other annoying characters.

Not like his characters

But as Mark Evanier noted: “Carl Reiner was the friendliest, most talented person in show business… He was a guy I admired not just for his fine work as a writer, producer, director, and performer but for just the way he was as a person. Every time I was around him, he was an absolute delight – funny, engaging, willing to talk with anyone about anything. He was just what you’d want an idol to be. He was a role model for how to be truly successful and sane in show business.”

Yes, Carl Reiner was an actor (Ocean’s 11 franchise, Hot in Cleveland) and director (Oh, God; The Jerk; All of Me). But mostly he was a writer, going back to 1950s television, with Sid Caesar and Dinah Shore. He co-wrote and directed Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982) and The Man with Two Brains (1983).

I had wished he would have been selected for the Kennedy Center Honors, like his friends Mel Brooks had been in 2009 and Norman Lear in 2017. It may be that he was underappreciated as the straight man, such as the interviewer of Brooks’ 2000 Year Old Man.

Other recent deaths of note

Dennis O’Neil, who died June 11, was a comic writer who I admired greatly. His Green Lantern/Green Arrow with Neal Adams made the book relevant. He also did work on Iron Man and The Amazing Spider-Man.

Somewhere in my possession is a photo of O’Neil, David Mazzucchelli, Augustus Manly (Matt at the time), me, and a fifth person at the comic book store FantaCo in Albany. Denny and David were working on Daredevil at the time, so this had to be 1984 or 1985. He was quite pleasant, but I might have been a bit awestruck.

Hugh Downs, who passed away on July 1, was a constant presence in my television watching the last third of the 20th century. He hosted the game show Concentration (1958-1968), which BTW I was very bad at. Downs also co-hosted The Today Show (1962-1971).

With Barbara Walters, he co-hosted the news show 20/20 from 1978 until his retirement in 1999. In 1984, “he was certified by the Guinness World Records as holding the record for the greatest number of hours on network commercial television (15,188 hours).”

The reference to the “good death”, incidentally, comes from Paul McCartney explaining the song The End of the End from his 2007 album Memory Almost Full.

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