Merry Christmas

Some Christmas limericks from The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form

Christmas by Bob Dvorak (Bob Dvorak)

Though merchants may tally its worth,

Our reflections should turn to His birth:

Christmas celebrates when

God appeared among men

With a message of peace for the earth.

Christmas by Richard Stehr (Richard Stehr)

If I missed out on Christmas, perhaps

It’s because I was one of those chaps

Who had chances to be

Perched upon Santa’s knee

But, unfortunately, let them lapse.

Christmas by Charles Silliman (Charles Silliman)

By a star, the three wise men were led.

But they found, as they stood at His bed,

That the one brightest light

On that first Christmas night

Was the glow from the Son of God’s head.

Christmas by Dottie (Anne Clements)

There’s a brightly lit tree in the hall,

Lots of cards, all displayed on the wall.

Gifts are wrapped, shopping’s done,

Now it’s time for the fun—

Happy Christmas, dear friends, one and all!

Christmas by stella

May your Christmas be filled with delight;

May your tinsel be sparkly and bright;

May your crackers go pop!

May you eat till you drop;

And may you and your in-laws not fight.

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The Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, Many, MANY Faces of Santa Claus! by Fred Hembeck
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Kringus Offerings by Samurai Frog
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The arithmetic of Christmas: This person’s been talking about Christmas only since April. While it’s been less than 2% of my lifetime since last Christmas, it’s been over 20% of hers.

ROG

My Favorite Christmases: 1996

I’m running out of memorable positive Christmases after noting Christmases past here and here and here It’s not that all the rest were awful, just undifferentiated in my mind. The one in 1990 WAS awful, though, when the tenor soloist at my church, Sandy Cohen, died on Christmas Eve, shortly before we were supposed to sing. Sing we did, and by any objective measure, we were terrible. But it wasn’t just his voice we missed; it was his spirit.

Last year, or church did a service a couple weeks before Christmas for people who have a difficult time with the holiday season for one reason or another. It was ill-attended and the service wasn’t repeated this year, but I do “get” the feeling.

What to pick, then? I’ll go with 1996. It was the first time I’d spent Christmas with my birth/growing up family in years. In my years at FantaCo, e.g., I never went to North Carolina for Christmas because that was the height of the retail season. In fact, often we didn’t celebrate Christmas until MLK day, after the annual inventory was finished. Other years involved going to the home of a friend or a girlfriend. The last several we’ve spent at my in-laws’.

The two things that were cool about 1996: my niece Alexandra was about to turn six; her birthday, unfortunately for her, is five days after Christmas. It’s rather nice to be in the presence of a child that age who’s so looking forward to Christmas.

The other thing was my gift to Alex, which was some reversible print clothing outfit of some sort that I had purchased at a clothing fair a few days earlier. I was loath to buy clothing for people I don’t see often, but this ensemble spoke to me. Not only did she like it, her mother, my sister Marcia, liked it as well. They (my mother, sister and niece) raved about it for the two years she was able to wear it in various combinations so that it looked fresh, and even after Alex outgrew it. Uncle Roger had done well.
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Earthrise, December 24, 1968 from Apollo 8
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Gee, I need to get a more current seasonal picture of my family:

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A great review of It’s a Wonderful Life by Steve Bissette and how it’s even more applicable in 2008.
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He’s not just a man in a Santa suit. Roger Green takes his role of Santa Claus very seriously and even has documents to attest to his alter ego. No, it’s not me, but how could I resist the link?

W is for Waiting


Tom Petty, or as my late friend Tom used to call him, Tommy Pett, was right: The Waiting IS the hardest part.

Whether it is something leading to road rage or throwing something at computer that is downloading files too slowly, we just can’t wait. We’re in a hurry. Gotta multitask or you’ll miss something. Be in touch 24/7 with a variety of gadgetry.

One of my major pet peeves are people who park in crosswalks or incline planes where people with wheelchairs or carts should be able to operate, and all because the driver is “in a hurry” to stop and get a bagel that will take “just a minute”, instead of waiting to park in a spot three car lengths away. One time, in my neighborhood, that very scenario took place, when a blind man walked into a car parked in a crosswalk. The man was confused and disoriented, but I was too far away to assist him. Grrr!

Waiting in line or being on hold on a telephone can be the banes of my existence. Or not. I get to choose whether I use that time to observe/to think/to relax or to let it get me down. My choice. Reading material, though, DOES help.

I get the impression that there a lot of people out there waiting for love and romance.
LINK


In fact, there seems to be plenty of reasons to wait. You don’t REALLY want to go swimming right after a big meal, do you? Or hit the SEND TO ALL button when you really wanted to eviscerate only one person? Sometimes counting to 10 (or 100) will keep one from saying just that particularly wrongheaded thing that is hard to take back.

Even the good things one has difficulty waiting. We are in the season of Advent in the Christian calendar, and it’s all about waiting, with those hymns in minor keys. Some just can’t wait for Christmas. (Is that why the local CVS drug store started playing Christmas music BEFORE VETERANS DAY? And doesn’t that just make the wait seem even longer starting music earlier?) We now have the U.S. Air Defense Command offering new high-tech ways to track Santa.

LINK
(BTW, for the song above, I was really looking for the Ollabelle version. I guess I’ll have to WAIT for it to pop up on YouTube. But I DO like this version as well.)

Wait. You’d be surprised what you might find.

ROG

"Things you’ve done" quiz

Jacquandor – he’s back! – augmented by an e-mail from friend Lori

Gone on a blind date. – No. There was a period where a friend of mine was trying to set me up with a woman in her office I didn’t know, but nothing ever came of it.

Skipped school. Senior year to go to an antiwar protest.

Watched someone die. No. At least on two occasions (my great uncle Ed, my father), got there moments later.

Been to Canada. Yes. first time was to Niagara Falls, Ontario when I was about 10.

Been to Mexico. Yes, down the coast south of San Diego in 1987.

Been to Florida – at least twice. In Orlando -OK. Miami – muggy and oppressive.

Been to Africa – no.

Been on a plane – last time was my trip to Chicago. I do it infrequently enough that I forget the rules about the shoes, etc.

Been lost – when I as 4, my parents THOUGHT I was lost. In fact, i knew exactly how to get back. they just didn’t know where I as.

Been on the opposite side the country – yes, California.

Gone to Washington, DC – went there LOTS of times, the first several at antiwar demonstrations, the last time n 1998 when I tried out for JEOPARDY!

Swam in the ocean – the Atlantic for sure; don’t remember swimming in the Pacific.

Broken a bone – a rib in June 2008

Been in a traffic accident – several, actually. The first serious one was when I was 19, spent only a day and a half in the hospital, but six weeks of physical therapy to strengthen my right shoulder.

Cried yourself to sleep – oh, yeah.

Been on TV – my grandfather was a janitor for a local TV station in Binghamton, and I ended up on a kids’ show at least thrice. My church choir used to sing on telethons every year. I was at some taping of some CNN talk show and asked some question. Oh, yeah, and JEOPARDY!

Stole traffic signs – no, actually.

Played cops and robbers – undoubtedly.

Recently colored with crayons – I have a four-year old. Yes.

Paid for a meal with coins only – yes, but it was mostly quarters and it was for under $10.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t – are you KIDDING me? A lot, though not so much of late.

Made prank phone calls – no. It never seemed like fun. I have called people I know, though, using funny accents, but that was years ago.

Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere. Yes, in the high school cafeteria.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue – of course.

Danced in the rain – yes.

Written a letter to Santa Claus – and got a reply.

Been kissed under the mistletoe – more than once. The first time, I was 13. Her name was Mary.

Watched the sunrise with someone – yes, but not in a while. More likely to do it while traveling to different timezones. I specifically recall doing so on a pier in Galveston, TX in the mid-1990s.

Blown bubbles – I have, in my desk at work, a bottler of bubbles which I blow if I get upset. It’s really difficult to be upset while you’re blowing bubbles.

Gone ice-skating – I sucked at it as a child. Did it once 11 years ago to woo my now-wife; still sucked at it.

Been skinny dipping outdoors – yes.

Gone to the movies – more often in the past than currently.

Have a nickname – none I respond to.

Body piercings – nope.

Tattoos? no

Other Questions:

1. Favorite drink?

Alcoholic? Well, Long Island iced tea, but I don’t actually drink it any more. Rum and coke. Almost any drink with rum, or tequila. Actually, I don’t drink much of ANYTHING any more. I had one amaretto and eggnog this month.

Non-alcoholic? Mix of orange juice and cranberry juice

2. How much do you love your job?

The thing about my job is that it’s seldom boring. Occasionally quite challenging, but there’s fun in that.

3. Birthplace?

Binghamton, NY.

4. Favorite vacation spot?

Our honeymoon in Barbados. Got to swim in the Caribbean.

5. Ever eaten just cookies for dinner?

No, but I did eat graham crackers.

6. Favorite pie?

Apple with ice cream. Cherry, blueberry, also with ice cream. Key lime. Oh and here’s an article in defense of pie that I’m totally down with.

Favorite dessert? Cheesecake

Favorite number? 37

7. Favorite holiday? Maundy Thursday/Good Friday. Good melancholy music.

Favorite day of the week? Sunday

8. Favorite food?

Chicken, cooked any number of ways.

9 Favorite smell?

Sausage, bacon, which actually smell better than they taste.

10. How do you relax? Optimally, a massage. Failing that, using my rain stick, rocking it back and forth.

11. How do you see yourself in 10 years?

The mortgage will be paid off. I expect to travel more.

ROG

Knocking at the door

Why do we never get an answer
When we’re knocking at the door
With a thousand million questions
About hate and death and war?
– The Moody Blues (written by Justin Hayward)
LINK.

So the old winter or summer solstice has arrived, depending on where you live. It’s once again time to Ask Roger Anything. Anything at all, and I’m honor-bound to answer it honestly. It has to be the truth. It does not have to be the WHOLE truth; to the surprise of some, I do have my limits.

One person I do not know asked:
“Surfing around looking for old copies of ‘keynotes’, the Capitol Record Club catalog, I came upon your references.
Any chance you have old issues with which you’d part?”
Why, no, I don’t. I was a member of the Capitol Record Club in 1965 for a couple years, which is where I originally got all my pre-Sgt. Pepper albums, save for Yesterday…and Today, which I bought from the Rexall for $2.99. I also got Daydream-Lovin’ Spoonful; the Best of Herman’s Hermits; and most notably, Pet Sounds-Beach Boys. Most of the albums I still have, except for the LPs that were stolen in the Great LP Theft of 1972. But anything like Capitol catalogs? Long gone.
(Hey, anyone out there have ‘keynotes’ you’re willing to part with, e-mail me and I’ll hook you up with the collector.)

I’ve had people ask about the Barack Obama/Rick Warren thing. Well, I wouldn’t have done it. A gay friend of mine felt “hurt” by it.
Still, this little piece from Steve Bissette’s blog gave me some perspective.
…while liberals are howling over President-Elect Obama’s decision to include homophobic pastor Richard D. “Rick” Warren (founder and senior pastor of the evangelical Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California) in his upcoming inauguration ceremony [and conservatives are howling that Warren accepted],, the far more damning news that “alone among major Western nations, the United States has refused to sign a declaration presented Thursday at the United Nations calling for worldwide decriminalization of homosexuality” is being ignored..

So, questions, please.
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“Inspired by Christ is an apparel company formed to convey the Good News of Jesus Christ while providing the world with an alternative in today’s popular fashions. Inspired by Christ’s goal is to propagate the Word of God via style and stimulated discussions brought about through our Christ inspired designs.” WWJW?
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Artificial Virginity Hymen. WTF?

In the old days, it was not called the ‘Holiday Season’; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall.’ – Dave Barry

ROG

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