How news of Mom’s death spread

before you post another RIP on social media

Trudy.Green_dress This Groundhog Day I get to relive the day my mom died in 2011. I stayed in her room overnight on 1 February, and she died early the next morning. My sisters were already on their way back to the hospital. I suppose I could have called them on their cellphones, but I didn’t see the point. They walked into the room less than five minutes after she died and I got to tell them the news.

As I’ve noted, there was a certain symmetry to this. My sisters were present when my father died in 2000. My mom and I were in route to the hospital. I signed some legal document at the wrongful death lawyer office, as the correspondent of her death, as I was for my father – the joy of being the oldest. The hospital contacted the funeral home, and eventually we went home, shortly after noon.

As it turned out, I had written a blog post, a few days earlier, about my mom’s stroke and me taking the train to Charlotte. Eventually, I checked my email. Denise Nesbitt, the doyenne of ABC Wednesday asked how my mom was. I told her that Mom had died.

She must have shared the news somewhere. Within 15 minutes, I started getting comments that switched from hoping my mom was getting better to condolences regarding her loss. I suppose it’s bizarre to note it’s the post for which I received the greatest number of comments.

Facebook

I was reminded of this article, Please read this before you post another RIP on social media. The piece doesn’t apply to my situation, but it was nevertheless instructive.

In fact, my grief was documented in several posts that month. My sisters and I have to write an obituary? Post it on the blog. We have to come up with the program? More blog fodder. I still remember someone referred to me as “dispassionate” because I was doing one post in my Joe Friday mode. “Just the facts.” It was/is my coping mechanism.

I’ve been dealing with death for a long time, it seems. My father’s mom Agatha died when I was nine; she lived upstairs from us. My mom’s maternal aunt Deana passed when I was 11; I saw her almost daily. Agatha taught me canasta, which I taught to Deana. I was very fond of both of them.

Groundhog Day is the day I relive when my mom died. I think about how I’m now an Orphaned Adult, a book I recommend, BTW.

Bubbling Under Billboard Hot 100 #2

Most of these I have on vinyl

Janis Joplin
Janis Joplin
More from Bubbling Under the Billboard Hot 100, 1959-2004. These are songs, which didn’t quite make it to the promised land on the primary US singles chart, that I own. I find this to be an interesting way for me to rediscover music I haven’t played in a while.

Nowadays Clancy Can’t Even Sing – Buffalo Springfield, #110 in 1966. Written by Neil Young.
I’ll Feel A Whole Lot Better – The Byrds, #103 in 1965, B-side of All I Really Want to Do (#40)

Johnny Cash

I own a LOT of John R.’s music
The Rebel -Johnny Yuma, #108 in 1961, theme from The Rebel TV Series. Country #24
Boa Constrictor, #107 in 1966,. Country #39
Papa Was a Good Man, #104 in 1971. Country #16

Why Does Love Have To Be So Sad – Derek and the Dominoes, #120 in 1973. Listed under Eric Clapton
Walking After Midnight – Patsy Cline, #108 in 1963 on Everest Records; reissue of her #12 hit in 1957 on Decca
In the Air Tonight – Phil Collins, #102 in 1984; reissue of the #19 hit from 1981 on an Atlantic oldies label. Popularized again because of the TV show Miami Vice.

Baretta’s Theme – Sammy Davis, Jr., #101 in 1976, Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow, from the TV series starring Robert Blake
Jesus Freak – DC Talk, #109 in 1995
Heartbreak Town – Dixie Chicks, #102 in 2001, #23 country
If You Don’t Love Me (I’ll Kill Myself) – Pete Droge, #119 in 1995. I’ve met Droge at least thrice, twice in Albany and once in Boston.
Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again – Bob Dylan (live), #110 in 1977

Do What You Gotta Do – Roberta Flack, #117 in 1971
Today I Sing the Blues – Aretha Franklin, #101 in 1969; originally #10 RB in 1960
A Funky Space Reincarnation – Marvin Gaye, #106 in 1979; this is the album version
Love and Happiness – Al Green, #104 in 1977, RB #92

Do It for Love – Daryl Hall and John Oates, #114 in 2002, AC #1
Watermelon Man – Herbie Hancock, #121 in 1963
Stone Free – the Jimi Hendrix Experience, #130 in 1969; all I could find were live versions
Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing – Chris Isaak, #125 from 1999, from the movie Eyes Wide Shut
It’s Different for Girls – Joe Jackson, #101 for two weeks in 1979

Jefferson Airplane

Most of these I have on something called vinyl
My Best Friend – #103 in 1967
Two Heads, #124 in 1967, B-side of Ballad Of You & Me & Pooneil (#42)
Plastic Fantastic Lover, #133 in 1969, originally the B-side of White Rabbit (#8)
Mexico, #102 in 1970
Have You Seen the Saucers, #102 in 1970 (the flip side of Mexico)
Long John Silver, #104 in 1972

Janis Joplin

Her version of Me and Bobby McGee was the second posthumous #1 pop song
Bye, Bye Baby – Big Brother and the Holding Company, #118 in 1967
Try (Just a Little Bit Harder), #103 in 1970
Maybe, #110 in 1970

January rambling: surreal logic

conductor and pianist Vladimir Ashkenazy

weird_hill.xkcd
Weird Hill from xkcd

4 Ways to Detect Media Bias and Step Out of the Partisan Bubble.

Virtually All Major US Drinking Water Sources Likely Contaminated With PFAS.

Can Bankers Become Allies Against Climate Change?

The forgotten assassination of MLK’s mother Alberta King in 1974.

How do you keep that Christmas Eve feeling?

The Day That Changed Everything. The subhead: “They lost the biggest N.J. high school football game ever played.”

How to treat tennis elbow.

Komodo dragon destroyed BBC camera by trying to have sex with it.

The Critical Importance of Church Choirs.

Can’t find a marriage record? Try looking for a “Gretna Green” marriage location.

Jack Burns, R.I.P.

Every guest star on the TV series Cannon, starring William Conrad. CBS, 1971 to 1976, 122 episodes.

Inequality

World’s 2,153 billionaires hold more wealth than poorest 4.6 billion combined.

Rising inequality affecting 70% of the world.

Americans’ Drinking, Drug Use, Despair Wiping Out Life Expectancy Gains.

Structural Racism in Medicine Worsens the Health of Black Women and Infants.

Healthcare Algorithms Are Biased, and the Results Can Be Deadly.

IRS grabs the money.

The Liberation of Auschwitz: January 27, 1945.

Recommended reading: Joe Kubert’s Yossel.

Work

Illegal Interview Questions You Thought Were Harmless.

Were Your Rights Violated at the Workplace?

FTC Received Nearly 1.7 Million Fraud Reports, and FTC Lawsuits Returned $232 Million to Consumers in 2019.

Astrogate.

Language… has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.
– Paul Tillich

Books, language, and librarians

Proposed Book Banning Bill in Missouri Could Imprison Librarians.

How One Librarian Tried to Squash Goodnight Moon.

Writing a book series.

You can write “embedded” but you can’t write “imbedded.”

English Needs a Word for the Relationship Between Your Parents and Your In-Laws.

The 5th Annual Tucker Awards for Excellence in Swearing.

IMPOTUS

Expansive Executive Privilege Claims Pose Serious Constitutional Crisis.

The Imperial Presidency Is Alive and Well.

He Boasts Of Obstruction At Davos Press Conference.

Doral Resort Spikes Its Room Rates Ahead Of His RNC Visit.

The Surreal Logic of the China Trade Deal.

“Reckless” Decision to Loosen Firearm Exports Regulations.

The Cost of an Incoherent Foreign Policy.

His Supporters And The Denial Of Reality.

Ten Principles that Unify Democrats (and most of the country).

Now I Know

This Is The Poem That Never Ends. It Just Goes On And On, My Friends. and The Town With No Name and What To Do When Iguanas Fall From the Sky and How a Rock Band Helped Runaway Kids Find Their Way Home and It’s Art Because Someone Says It Is and Why Do Bakers Have Bigger Dozens? and Behold the Power of Dried Plums.

MUSIC

That Don – Randy Rainbow.

On the retirement of conductor and pianist Vladimir Ashkenazy: conducting Debussy’s La Mer; playing Rach and Bach and more.

Coverville 1293: The Neil Peart Tribute and Rush Cover Story III.

The Golden Spinning Wheel by Antonin Dvorak.

Tall Skinny Papa– Annie & The Hedonists [Caffè Lena Late Night Sessions]

All About Falling In Love – MonaLisa Twins

Fiddler on the Roof: Dear, Sweet Sewing Machine – Motel (Adam Kantor) and Tzeitel (Alexandra Silber) and Tradition – Tevye is Anthony Warlow, production done in Australia.

How Long Has This Been Going On – Audrey Hepburn, from Funny Face.

The Inner Light – The Beatles.

Kobe Bryant: when the famous die

TMZ is vile

Kobe Bryant helicopter crash victims
per CNN

After retired basketball star Kobe Bryant died, I felt a bit like a cultural anthropologist. Beyond the tragic loss of life, I was interested in how others reacted to his passing.

I wrote about Kobe Bryant less often than I did the Kobe, Japan earthquake. Once was a passing reference to him which was mostly about his coach Phil Jackson. For whatever reason, I lost interest in NBA basketball this century. And I was pretty enthusiastic back in the days of Magic Johnson’s Lakers versus Larry Bird’s Celtics.

One thing about me is that I tend to absorb overwhelming grief. It was not so much my own but my sense of the collective shock of his many fans and colleagues. Even if it wasn’t my specific pain, I can remember how I felt when John Lennon and Rod Serling passed.

For instance, Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times wrote: “I’m screaming right now, cursing into the sky, crying into my keyboard, and I don’t care who knows it.” It was hardly the only anguish I saw.

Many pieces noted that Life Is Not Promised. In fact, Kobe himself said the same thing in Newsweek shortly after 9/11/2001. “We Never Know When Our Time Here Will Be Over.”

Sports Illustrated started their story with variation on that angle. “Thirteen-year-old Gianna Bryant and her father are gone, and that is not quite how the Bryants’ story will be told, but it’s how we should think about it first.”

The news cycle

Naturally, there were discussions about how only Kobe and, eventually, then his daughter, were mentioned when there were seven others on board, including two other basketball-playing teens. Part of it is that it was only known initially that Kobe and “some others” were riding.

In fact, there was a depressing reason. Reportedly, Kobe’s wife Vanessa “learned about the death of her husband and daughter at the same time as the rest of the world. Before police notified her of her family’s tragic loss, the news was leaked by TMZ – a tabloid news channel.”

The story was noteworthy at a certain level because nine people were killed. Its prominence days later is tied to fame. TV writer Ken Levine (MASH, Cheers) noted what would have happened if he had died with a famous baseball player. “if we had crashed there would have been news bulletins breaking into every network, huge front page headlines the next day and they all would say, ‘Baseball star, Tony Gwynn and a passenger were killed in a auto accident.'”

For his part, Gywnn, who died of cancer in 2014, “felt it was wrong that one person should be valued over another just because they’re famous.” But as Levine opined, “You can’t change the way the world operates.”

Early on, some people complained that “no one” was talking about the 2003 rape accusation against Kobe and subsequent settlement. Yes, it wasn’t the lead immediately after the horrific accident. But by day two of the story, I heard it mentioned regularly, in passing to be sure.

Retirement

Dear BasketballFor my part, I was totally unaware of his Mamba Sports Academy, founded in 2018. The page quotes Kobe Bryant in noting, “Mamba Mentality isn’t about seeking a result. It’s about the journey and the approach. It’s a way of life.”

I did see his Oscar-winning short film Dear Basketball, about achieving his dream and then needing to walk away.

No less authority than Magic Johnson considered Kobe Bryant the greatest Laker ever. I’d say he was up there with George Mikan, Jerry West, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Magic himself. If my sense of personal loss isn’t as great as others, I still recognize the magnitude of his passing.

Because the helicopter was not equipped with a terrain warning system that could have alerted pilot to the hillside where he crashed, expect that the technology will be mandated more often.

R.I.P.

So rest in peace, basketball coach Christina Mauser, who leaves behind a husband and three children; Alyssa Altobelli and her parents, John and Keri; Payton Chester and her mom, Sarah; and pilot Ara Zobayan.

And rest in peace, Gianna Bryant and her dad, Kobe. He was a “girl dad”, and that IS something I can relate to.

Movie review: Parasite (Gisaengchung)

Writer/Director Bong Joon Ho

ParasiteI have no idea how to review the movie Parasite (Gisaengchung). Except this. This movie is LOL funny at some points, utterly horrific at others.

Bong Joon Ho is a South Korean writer/director. The first people we meet are the Kim family, parents, college-aged son and a daughter a bit older. They live in dire poverty, all but jobless, dealing with life’s indignities.

Then by chance, the young man Kim Ki-woo gets a fill-in gig as a tutor for the daughter of the Park family. These are well-off, aspirational people, especially the father. Once Kim Ki-woo gets his foot in the door, he wonders if he can get gigs for the rest of his family.

This is a tricky task, because there are people already in a couple of these positions. But the Kims are creative and the Parks are fairly oblivious. And the first part of the movie ends. We discover, though that it’s not only the Kim family in the parasite role. Also, you can’t always get rid of the stench of poverty.

I suppose I should mention that the movie is in Korean, with subtitles. Well, except for those moment the Park mother tries out her minimal English.

What the writer said

Lessee, what did Ken Levine have to say? “So far PARASITE is my pick for movie of the year

“Writer/Director Bong Joon Ho has achieved the near impossible – making a movie so engrossing that no one in the theater had to tell someone to turn off their phone. Now, THAT’S filmmaking.” Well, actually there was that one woman in my row…

“Happily, PARASITE doesn’t fall into any one genre. It cleverly and stylishly combines a few, bends a few, and creates a few into one compelling cohesive film. I was knocked out by the storytelling. I guarantee you won’t be able to predict what happens next. You’ll laugh, you’ll shriek – and isn’t that what entertainment’s all about?”

I went to this in early January 2020, without my wife or child, and it’s probably just as well. Naturally, I went to the Spectrum Theatre in Albany.

Ramblin' with Roger
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