Avery

An old person dies, and one is burying the past. When a young person dies, one is burying the future.

I’m at my allergist’s office a week ago Monday morning, waiting the requisite 30 minutes after my injection, when I see this story on the TV news about a 21-month-old boy “found dead in a Troy apartment Saturday night. Officials say… Avery James Cahn was left unattended by his caretaker, who police found and brought in for questioning, but was later released.”

My wife and I attended the funeral last Thursday. I go because I KNOW this child. Not well, to be sure, but I’ve seen his hands, not quite tall enough for the snack table, still manage to steal a handful of cookies after church. And I know his mom, again not well, but I’ve heard her read the morning Scripture or the prayers of the people or watched her usher in people; she joined the church not that long ago.

But mostly my wife and I go for our friend Mary, who is the paternal grandmother, a very good friend, who I called when I was on a long train ride to Charlotte, NC after my mom had a stroke last year. And I go for her son, the baby’s uncle, who is turning into a fine, and talented, young man.

The noon service is delayed a few minutes, with the organist continuing to vamp. Was it the difficulty of the day? Or was it the reporter from some local media organization who was turned away by police, as I later find out?

These two men from the funeral home wheel out an it-must-be-a-too-small casket and bring it to the front of the sanctuary.

I won’t/can’t go into the whole service, except to say it was nice, under the circumstances. But it was tough; as someone said, an old person dies, and one is burying the past. When a young person dies, one is burying the future.

Trudy’s funeral program

It’s about the widow giving all she had. The lectionary recommends reading that introductory part about “teachers of the law [liking] to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers.”


Since, once again, I’m writing about this before the fact, I thought I’d describe the thought process behind what (presumably) took place at the service yesterday.

The front of the bulletin, in addition to the usual information, contains this scripture: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19). I think Leslie picked this scripture and it was pretty accurate. I opted for the New International Version because most of the other versions mention only “brothers”, or “brethren”.

ORDER OF SERVICE

In lieu of a wake, there was scheduled to be a time for the family to receive friends at the church from 1 to 1:45 pm. During this time, my niece Alex was putting together a bunch of photos of Mom, both solo and in various family combinations. At the same time, there would be secular music playing: Johnny Mathis, Ray Charles, and especially her favorite, Nat ‘King’ Cole. She had a bunch of Cole 78s when I was growing up.

Prelude-“Sweet, Sweet Spirit”
Though this is a reference to the Holy Spirit, she did in fact have a sweet spirit.

Lighting the Candle – the granddaughters
My mother had three granddaughters: Leslie’s daughter, Rebecca Staubes, who is 32; Marcia’s daughter, Alexandria Green-House, who turned 20 at the end of December; and Lydia, my daughter, who will turn 7 next month. Assuming Becky can get a flight, this will be the first time that Rebecca and Lydia have met, though the older two and the younger two are very tight. And Lydia has seen Rebecca on Wipeout.

Invocation – Rev. Cannon

Hymn of Praise- – “Goin’ Up Yonder”
Initially, it was going to be “I’ll Fly Away”, a song I always associate with that great TV show of the early 1990s, starring Regina Taylor a pre-“Law & Order” Sam Waterston, as well as the soundtrack to the movie O Brother Where Art Thou. The final selection, though, I don’t particularly know.

Scriptural Reading: Proverbs 31:10-31
The Wife of Noble Character, or the Virtuous Woman, which Leslie picked out, and which her daughter Rebecca will read.

Prayer of Comfort
We’re hoping that her former pastor, Rev. George Goodman, can read this.

Scriptural Reading: Psalm 23
My sister Marcia will read the King James version.

Musical Selection: “It Is Well With My Soul”
A woman from the church, Myrtle Miller, volunteered to sing this. It’s in many hymnals. I associate it with the funeral of the funeral of our tenor soloist back at my old church, Sandy Cohen, who died Christmas Eve 1990.

Scriptural Reading: 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
My niece Alexandria will read the passage that has almost become a cliche at weddings.

Sharing Memories
We’ve lined up a number of folks from the church to speak, for no more than two minutes (we hope), then my mom’s cousin Fran (if she makes it), Leslie, and me.

Scripture Reading: Luke 20:45-21:4
I picked this one, which my wife Carol will read. It’s about the widow giving all she had. One of my sisters wanted to limit it to the Luke 21 part, but I wanted, and the lectionary (suggested reading) recommends, reading that introductory part about “teachers of the law [liking] to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers.”

Eulogy-Rev. Cannon

Musical Selection: “By and By”-the Green Family.
An old song I associate with Leadbelly.

Recessional: “God Be With You”

Then, it is our intention to play a recording of Sing, Sing, Sing, the classic Louis Prima song heavily associated with Benny Goodman. She loved the big band sound.

Last dance music QUESTION

The intricacies of singing in chicken may require a substitute.

I have this Facebook friend, who not only is an actual terrestrial friend but who I see regularly. Anyway, she sent around this list of disco songs from which she would like the music for her funeral.

Whereas I would like a nice dignified affair. But the last song ought to be done in chicken. Almost any tune can be done in chicken. Exhibit A: unfortunately, just a snippet of In The Mood by Henhouse Five Plus Too, which is the nom de cluck of singer Ray Stevens. I don’t know if I can overstate the significance this song has had on my life, ever since I heard it on some Warner Brothers Lost Leader over 30 years ago.


Of course, I wouldn’t necessarily want In The Mood. Bach can be done well in chicken, even in four-part harmony. And if one cannot master the intricacies of chicken, I suppose kazoo will do. I played a lot of kazoo, occasionally even professionally.

So what special music would you want at YOUR funeral?

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