(Dateline: Albany, NY) Roger Green, founder, and president of the organization Christmas Or Other Labels (COOL), has declared the war on Christmas in the United States to be officially over. People celebrating the holiday religiously, those celebrating it socially, and those not celebrating it at all were all declared victors in emotional celebrations across the country.
The Christian folks have decided that, while it IS approaching Christmas in December, there ARE people who practice other religions, or no religions at all, and they are determined to be COOL about it.
Besides, the period called Christmastide on the Christian calendar doesn’t actually start until December 25, and running to early January, the 12 days of Christmas. And the Pope is clear that we’re celebrating the birth of Christ at the wrong time of the year anyway.
The Christians also acknowledge that the declaration that there was a “war” on Christmas was a bit hyperbolic, given the actual violence perpetrated against Christians in Nigeria last Christmas. Not to mention how Christmas has become so large, it is now starting to devour Thanksgiving.
The non-religious have agreed to be COOL about the fact that the placement of Christmas in December, and the use of the fir tree, are based on pagan traditions, and to stop being snarky about it. They have also recognized that the holiday IS important to some people on religious grounds and to not prattle on about how commercialized it’s become. If the feeling starts swelling up, the Rx is to go watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, repeatedly if necessary.
The non-Christian religious, and the people who just like exchanging presents, acknowledge that they’re COOL with it all.
In this era of rapprochement, the parties have agreed to be COOL with being greeted with “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”, or beautiful Bogie day, or sterling Serling Day, in the spirit in which it was offered, without getting all bent out of shape about it. They’ve decided that Waging Peace on Christmas is a much more life-affirming strategy.
SamuraiFrog’s Last Word Ever on the “War on Christmas”
John Lennon: The Last Interview, from Rolling Stone