Have I lived the life I wanted?

Canaan’s descendants settled in the land of Canaan!

canaanIn the Boston Globe recently, there was an interesting title. “If I die now, have I lived the life I wanted to?” The subtitle: “The pandemic has people examining their lives. Some don’t like what they’re seeing.”

“Spouses are being left, retirements pushed up, friends dropped. People are moving to rural spots and strengthening their faith, and those fortunate enough to have a choice are saying ‘no’ to commuting.”

But I don’t think it’s just the pandemic. As the article noted, “A married couple have taken stock of their lives… They have been hanging out with the wrong people — friends who were nice to their faces, but, they now realize, are selfish. The friends refuse to wear masks or support Black Lives Matter, stances that rule out any further relationship.”

So it’s all of it: IMPOTUS, COVID-19, George Floyd and all of the ramifications of each. It’s certainly true for me.

Let me let you in on a little secret. I hate writing about race and racism in America. The only thing that I hate more is NOT writing about it. There is a hole in my stomach, probably from acid reflux, when I don’t write what I am feeling.

So I have come to a conclusion. There’s a woman in my life who is really upset with me. It is because I told her, in an email discussion in late June, that IMPOTUS was a bigoted person. Therefore, her support of him appeared racist to me. She says she’s “devastated.”

Old Testament

My realization, my culpability in this, is that I held back in the past. For instance, when she laid out to me that black people became slaves in America because of the curse of Canaan. I wrote about this theory five years ago.

From here: “Canaan’s descendants, however, did not settle in Africa, but in the land to which they gave their father’s name—the land of Canaan!… Later, Joshua conquered this land and placed the Canaanites under forced slave labor (Josh. 9:23)…. Thus, the prophetic curse of slavery was literally fulfilled on the Canaanites. The curse, therefore, applies to no ethnic group in existence today. The mistaken idea that Ham’s African descendants are cursed is a myth too often repeated even to this day!” And it’s out there a lot.

When I finally did figure out the absurdity that she was talking about – even assuming that the Bible is literally true, which she does – I might have called her out about it. But I didn’t, in the name of peace. But, as it states in Jeremiah 6:14-15:

They dress the wound of my people
as though it were not serious.
‘Peace, peace,’ they say,
when there is no peace.
Are they ashamed of their detestable conduct?
No, they have no shame at all;
they do not even know how to blush.

My disservice to her, then, was not saying something sooner. It’s not her support for IMPOTUS that is the reason I believe her views are racist; that just codifies it. It’s because of her views on the curse of Ham, and the seeming glee she had sharing this with me five or six years earlier. And some other things too.

Author: Roger

I'm a librarian. I hear music, even when it's not being played. I used to work at a comic book store, and it still informs my life. I won once on JEOPARDY! - ditto.

3 thoughts on “Have I lived the life I wanted?”

  1. Hard conversations. My mother is very much in alignment in her beliefs and actions with the acquaintance in your narrative today . . . So that gets painful.

    I think I have posted this here before, but Buggy Jive’s spin through the Curse of Ham is always worth a listen . . .

    https://youtu.be/RE05wISmUpE

  2. I’ve severed all relations with one of my cousins not because of their vote for the Orange Antichrist, but because, as they prepared to vote for him in 2016, it became clear that their own racism was a significant part of that support.
    Likewise, while pondering my ex-marriages, I recognize that part of MY fault was not giving authentic critical feedback, tolerating verbally abusive behaviors instead of saying “Stop!” and drawing a line. I wanted to “keep the peace” and all I did was let emotional turmoil fester. They were wrong for the way they acted, but I was wrong for my inaction.

  3. Roger, you know I have never been reticent to speak my mind. As a result, I have been estranged from both my sisters for a good long while. The events of 9/11 revealed a deep-seated racism in both of them, and their full-throated support of Trump cemented that idea.

    I have zero regrets. I forgave them long ago. I just cannot forget, and I live my life accordingly. A trans child who deserves only the best will probably never talk to his aunt again because she is sure he is going to hell, along iwth me and Pastor Lex for supporting him in his authenticity.

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