Ramblin' with Roger

Am I a Luddite?

Twice in the last week, actually within 18 hours, I was referred to as a Luddite. Once, you can ignore; twice, you have to think about it.

Time number one was Thursday afternoon, when I was expressing frustration with some technology at work, how it changes often and not always for the better. The young woman said, “And you just want it to work.” “Yes, and I don’t want to have to look under the hood,” to use an automotive metaphor. Of course, even car mechanics can’t look under the hood anymore without complicated diagnostic computer technology anymore. If wanting it to work without hassle makes me a Luddite, then I am.

Time number two was Friday morning, when one of my racquetball partners was going on about the wonders of being able to watch cable television on his cell phone. I furrowed my brow and said, “Why would you want to watch TV on a two-inch screen?” Informed that the screen was larger than usual, I corrected myself; “OK, a three-inch screen.” If not being an early adopter of technology is being a Luddite, then I’m so there.

I had to laugh when I read this from Lefty Brown: “I’m behind the curve when it comes to technology. I’ve just started listening to podcasts.” And he’s thinking of starting one of his own this year. I’m planning a podcast, too…in 2011.

Truth is, mechanical stuff has never come easily to me. I need to be shown. I cannot be told. I cannot Read The Manual. Just this week, I was trying to design an e-mail template. I was sent instructions, which I was following, until I realized that I had to keep some window open that I had closed – NOT EXPLAINED IN THE MANUAL – and I had to start all over again.

Also at work, we’ve been putting together PDF files to send to clients. Well, I couldn’t get this AT ALL. Then, someone SHOWED me, and I discovered how easy the task was. But reading about it simply did not help me.

In my first days of my job, some 14 1/2 years ago, I was operating something called an electronic bulletin board, which involved doing a lot of things at the C:\ prompt of my computer, i.e., in DOS. This despite the fact that I had no idea what an EBB was, or what it was used for, or DOS commands, for that matter. Fortunately, this very patient guy named Kevin showed me a lot of stuff over a two-day period, and I became rather proficient at it. A useless skill now, but it showed that I am teachable.

I LIKE some technology, but some technologies don’t like me. I remember that wife Carol has gotten a lovely VCR from her brothers, but we never used it except to play tapes, because the tuning took three people three hours and it still wasn’t right. Whereas MY VCR was so idiot-proof that, with the onscreen instructions, I was able to set it up in about 10 minutes. The DVR is wonderful, because I can easily watch programs out of order of when I recorded them and easily switch from skating (my wife’s primary interest) to JEOPARDY, e.g.

I never got an eight-track because I realized what a stupid technology it was when I was in someone’s car, listening to The Beatles Again, when the song “Rain” stopped in midsong to change tracks. It’s a three-minute song, FCOL! A stupid technology.

I never got a Betamax machine, but that was only because the competing technologies made me nervous; I didn’t own a VCR until Beta was essentially dead. I’m feeling similarly disinterested in BluRay or BluTooth, or whatever is competing with something else; I’ll wait until it all shakes out before deciding that I need it.

Need. So far, I don’t NEED a Palm Pilot, or XBox. Or even a cell phone, though virtually everyone says I will when Lydia gets older, and maybe that’ll be true. Or maybe there will be some other technology to replace it. Cell phones: a mixed technology. Useful in cases of emergency, but I’ve never wanted to be available 24/7, thank you.

Anyway, I don’t think I have anything on Ned Ludd, the original Luddite, who used to smash machines to try to forestall the Industrial Revolution. Though I did write a little cheer for him:
Captain Ludd
He’s our man
If he can’t do it
Don’t need to be done.

ROG

Embracing 54

I’m working on trying to remember that I’m 54. It’s not that I fear it, or regret it; it’s that I’m likely not to remember it. It’s not as though I can recall all the times I spent at Studio 54; heck, I never even saw the movie. It’s a nonadecagonal number, but I don’t even know what that means.

It’s not like a number divisible by 10, or even 5. It’s not a power of a number, such as 27 or 32 or 36 or 49 or 64. It’s not a repeating digit (33, 44, or next year’s 55).

It’s not a popular culture iconic number such as Jack Benny’s 39 or Paul McCartney’s 64 (again – I should DEFINITELY remember that year.)

It doesn’t have special meaning to me, such as last year (53 – born in ’53) or the year I turned 37 (March 7) or will turn 73 (7 March).

It’s not even a prime number.

So how do I embrace my 54ness? Shall I remember that 54 is:
The atomic number of xenon, a noble gas?
The jersey number of Chicago Bears’ middle linebacker Brian Urlacher?
The number of the police car on an old NBC sitcom I used to watch enough that I STILL remember the theme, from which someone made a terrible movie starring David Johansen and John C. McGinley, the very existence of which I didn’t remember?

Then it struck me, though not right away: 54 is the number of my house. I guess I WILL be able to remember it after all, and won’t have to recall 54 40 or fight.

(There is some appropriate Homeric response, but I’m not going to g’oh there.)
***
There’s a holdup in the Bronx,
Brooklyn’s broken out in fights.
There’s a traffic jam in Harlem
That’s backed up to Jackson Heights.
There’s a scout troop short a child,
Kruschev’s due at Idlewild
Car 54, Where Are You?
***
Re: the US Attorneys’ firing case, you may have seen this letter (in PDF) that has more conditions that attendees at a hypochondriac convention. Or as one colleague put it: “Jedi mind tricks: ‘You will hear testimony from only Harriet Miers and you will be satisfied…'” And to think that she could have been on the Supreme Court.
ROG

It’s That Time Again

Yes, I know the excitement is really building; don’t pass out, please. It’s your chance, once again, to ASK ROGER ANYTHING. That’s right, and he has to answer. He might even answer honestly.

You could ask him what are the movie soundtracks he owns of movies he has never seen; there are several. Or his favorite Bible verse. Or the two-letter provincial codes in Canada. Or his most serious/favorite criminal endeavor. Or how he was an environmentalist before his time, scoffed at by his family. Or to explain the infield fly rule. Or to pick out his favorite Hess truck. Or how to bet on Final JEOPARDY! Or why the Michael Jackson album Off the Wall is better than Thriller.

Since the child is turning three soon, you can ask about her.

Some of you who have posed this question in your own blogs, to which I have always generously provided queries, are ESPECIALLY invited to share. You know who you are.

Here’s an unsolicited answer to a non-question. While one can steal second base, third base or home in baseball, one cannot steal first base. The situation where a batter runs to first on a third strike after the catcher drops the ball is a no-risk move on the batter’s part. If the catcher throws out the batter at first, he’s out, but he would have been out anyway. But when a runner is trying to steal second, the runner is at risk of being thrown out; thus the successful pilfering IS a stolen base.

You can e-mail me or leave it in the reply section.

Yet Another Attempt at Minimal Self-Revelation through Answering a Series of Seemingly Unrelated Questions

1. Your name spelled backwards.
Neerg Newo Regor.

2. Where were your parents born?
My mother in Binghamton, NY. My father, I’m not sure – somewhere around there.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Undoubtedly a picture for the blog.

4. What’s your favorite restaurant?
Depends. But Carol & I always go to a restaurant called Justin’s in January (or so), because that’s where I proposed and she accepted.

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
At Fred Hembeck’s house, summer of 2006. But I would call it swimming, it was more like hanging out.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Several, actually, in small roles. The largest was playing the fire chief in Ionesco’s “The Bald Soprano”.

7. How many kids do you want?
At this point, one.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
Tough question.

9. Are you registered to vote?
Always.

10. Do you have cable?
Yes, and a DVR to eventually watch the shows I record, eventually.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
If I had, I’d never admit it.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Not to my recollection.

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
In the 1980s, when I worked at FantaCo, every time Tom and I went to a show in NYC, we’d read the conflicting signs, decide it was OK to park there and end up getting a ticket.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Well, I haven’t yet.

15. Furthest place you ever traveled?
Barbados. That’s practically in South America.

16. Do you have a garden?
My wife does-flowers.

17. What’s your favorite comic strip?
Probably For Better or Worse, even though it’s going into its “wrap everything up neatly” phase, much to the annoyance of some. Also, much to my surprise, Luann.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Well, I know the first verse, kind of spotty on the second and third. But the fourth I know by heart. “Then conquer we must when our cause it is just, and this be our motto: “In God is our Trust.”

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
When I’m in a hotel with a tub, I bathe at night. Normally, I shower in the morning.

20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month?
None.

21. Favorite pizza topping?
Mushrooms.

22. Chips or popcorn?
Popcorn.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Well, I don’t, but if I did, I expect it would be bright red.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
What?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
My life is a beauty pageant.

26. Orange or Apple juice?
40% cranberry, 40% orange, 20% ginger ale. I like my mixed drinks.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
With Carol at Justin’s.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Mounds.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
The school/library vote in February.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Last fall.

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
Racquetball, 1989.

32. Are you a good cook?
I think I could be, if I applied myself.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Well, yeah…

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
No, but I was tempted once.

35. Sprite or 7-Up?
Whichever.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, it’s called a tie, a noose around my neck.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Undoubtedly something for Lydia.

38. Ever throw up in public?
Not lately.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Yes.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lust, maybe.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Those still around? Actually the NYS Department of State has one to find out about corporations. Don’t think I’ve called it, though.

42. Can exes be friends?
Actually, at least four of my exes are friends, and attended my marriage to Carol. Another one didn’t make it, but Carol and I subsequently attended her wedding.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Might have been my friend Donna a few years ago, just before she died.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Not especially.

45. What message is on your answering machine?
An intentionally boring one.

46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Mr. Robinson of Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood.

47. What was the name of your first pet?
Peter, the cat. BTW, I read that security folks are now asking questions other than your mother’s maiden name, such as your first pet’s name. Guess I won’t be using THAT one. They’re also asking for your favorite sports team (what if you have two, or none?) and your favorite food (one favorite food? couldn’t even imagine).

48. What is in your purse?
Haven’t used a purse in a few years now.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Play Internet backgammon.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
That there is a two-term limit for the Presidency.
***
The passing of Brad Delp, the lead singer for the band “Boston”, who committed suicide last week in his Atkinson, NH, home, made me surprisingly sad. And I wasn’t even that big a fan of the band, though in truth, I do own THE album (LP). Police reports released a few days ago reported that a note was paper-clipped to the neck of Delp’s shirt when police found his body on the bathroom floor, his head on a pillow. The note read, “Mr. Brad Delp. J’ai une ame solitaire. I am a lonely soul.” Such despair…
***
March Madness. I was 25-7 after the first two days. All 8 of my Elite 8 teams are still alive. Huzzah.
***
Happy birthday, Amelia B. and Jon P.
ROG

Four Years

Four years ago, the President gave this brief address to the nation. Since then, Saddam Hussein is dead, 3000+ Americans are dead, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis are dead, two million Iraqis have fled their country, including many who had supported the US military mission but who are now not getting the support they need.

Many of the American wounded might not have survived 25 or even 10 years ago. Some, especially early on, were provided inadequate protection, and now find that, once they leave the hospital, are given inadequate care. “Support the troops”, indeed.

John McCain was right about those non-binding resolutions the Democrats tried to pass earlier this year: it’s immoral to continue to, on one hand, fund the war and on the other hand, suggest the war is wrong. The “surge” will work until it’s over, and whether or not we set a “timetable for withdrawal” or not, the forces of instability will wait it out, change tactics or change venues. Hey, don’t believe me; read what wide-eyed liberals such as Zbigniew Brzezinski, National security adviser to President Carter; Richard Clarke, Counterterrorism czar from 1992 to 2003; Gen. Tony McPeak (retired), Member of the Joint Chiefs of Staff during the Gulf War; and Bob Graham, Former chair, Senate Intelligence Committee have to say.

I had predicted four years ago that a partitioned Iraq would exist one year from now. Kurdistan exists now in almost every way (flag, currency, head of state) right now, and has since the US and UK enforced the no-fly zones 15 or 16 years ago. It seems that perhaps trying to force together an Iraq initially created by the British after World War I, insensitive to tribal concerns (see also: the colonial powers in Africa), that a different way ought to be considered. Yes, I know about the concerns of Turkey and other countries in the region. The Kurds may be the largest group of people without a country to call its own, and trying to keep an imposed country together without force may not be practical (see also: Yugoslavia), maybe it’s time to deal with the reality.

Incidentally, I don’t think that the wisdom of initial opposition to this war should be shelved with a “yeah, but what would they do NOW?” retort. Criticism of this war before the war started, expressed by Barack Obama and Dennis Kucinich, and no other Democrat or Republican running for President – if there’s anyone else, please let me know – shows at least a certain foresight that their colleagues lacked, which may bode well for the future.

ROG