Squirrels on Crack

I KNEW it would happen eventually. And I knew it’d be on a Friday.
The piece I was working on for today got lost on my computer Wednesday night! Arrgh!
Last night, I was up past 11 talking with one of my oldest and dearest friends, Mark; he was the one who turned me on to comic books. 11 p.m. may not be late to you, but 5:20 a.m. comes awfully early several days in a row. Never have I looked forward to the weekend as much as when I’ve been taking Lydia to day care the past six weeks.
Work today will be busy, because 2 of the 4 are out of the office.
Point is:: what I had in mind for today ain’t ready yet.
And given the fact that we’re going out tonight, won’t be ready tonight.
(I mean, I PLAN this stuff? Generally, yes, I have a broad idea, and except for the obits, I might work on pieces in advance in anticipation of crunch times.)

So go read why Evanier pities W. (It explains a LOT about this White House.)

After this:

This is one of those bizarre stories I’d have given to Burgas if he weren’t away this weekend. Go sign his blog, and make the future dictator happy.

My strange friend Dan initially sent out this article, with this commentary:

In these days of corporate propaganda disguised as information, it’s nice to see some good old fashioned yellow journalism made up from thin air. I don’t think that there’s a single sentence in this article that’s true, except, perhaps, the last one. From some rag called The South London Press (England).

Which engendered this rebuttal:

Dan, I’m surprised that you, of all people, aren’t aware of the growing squirrel crack addiction problem right here in Albany’s First Ward. It’s so common that people are now referring to the poor little beasts as scrackers.

and this:

I believe it. How do you know it’s not true?

Forcing Dan to recant:

OK, you’ve got me there. I didn’t bother to check the story because it is so obviously absurd. So I put the keywords “squirrels” and “cocaine” into Google and found that the story appears to have originated with several English tabloids that ran almost identical stories on the same day. However, the story has subsequently taken on a life of its own. The story has caused enough uproar to induce The Guardian to look into it.

I particularly enjoyed this eyewitness description of a squirrel on crack:

“I locked eyes with it and it stared back at me really confidently. It was scavenging and it looked scrawny.”

Funny how this squirrel on crack looks and behaves exactly like a normal squirrel.

In my neighborhood the squirrels huff solvents and fall out of the trees.

Author: Roger

I'm a librarian. I hear music, even when it's not being played. I used to work at a comic book store, and it still informs my life. I won once on JEOPARDY! - ditto.

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