This week’s Sunday Stealing is a bunch of food questions. I’ve eaten food now and then, as I recall.
1. If you were a vegetable, which one would you be, and would you ever let yourself be smothered in cheese?
Obviously, it would be a GREEN vegetable, and it would be spinach. But if it were to have cheese sauce on it, it’d have to be broccoli because.
2. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be, and how long do you think it would take before you got sick of it?
I answered this recently, and I said either pie because there are many different pies (chicken pot, cherry, etc.) or sandwiches. But if I had to narrow it, it’d be eggs. They can be scrambled, fried, poached, hard-boiled, or soft-boiled. I could probably do that for a year unless I could put things INTO the eggs. Then possibly forever.
3. Would you rather have fingers made of licorice or spaghetti noodles for hair?
Ick. Noodles for hair.
4. What’s the most unusual pizza topping combination you can think of that might actually taste surprisingly good?
I want to try Spam, which is a thing in Hawaii.
Hero of our nation
5. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would be your name, and what would the ingredients be?
Ramjet, with fresh blueberries, strawberries, and peaches in a vanilla ice cream base.
6. If you could make a smoothie out of any three foods, which ones would you choose, and what would you name your concoction?
I’m not a smoothie kind of guy.
7. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen someone do with food?
We were playing baseball with heads of lettuce. Or maybe it was cabbage—aluminum bats.
8. If your favorite food could talk, what do you think it would say about you?
You’re finally eating your veggies besides me, Spinach would say.
9. If you were a chef, what outrageous names would you give to your dishes to make them more interesting?
I would go through my bookshelf and pick random titles. String Music of Black Composers, which would be spaghetti and various meat products. The Book of Virtues, which would have to be some veggie thing.
10. If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be, and what food do you think they’d be surprised to see on the menu?
Thomas Jefferson and it would be anything that was microwavable.
11. What’s the weirdest or grossest thing you’ve ever eaten just to impress someone else?
Not my style. I’m not a food dare kind of guy.
The battle for Battle Creek
12. If breakfast cereals were characters in a TV show, which cereal would be the comedic sidekick, and which one would be the evil villain?
Tony the Tiger, who’s great, with the Froot Loops toucan. I know that Snap, Crackle, and Pop are engaged in criminal enterprises. They keep their safecracking tools under those caps. Incidentally, I own a set of the bowls shown above because of course I do.
13. If you could turn one vegetable into a superpower, which one would it be, and what could you do with it?
The vegetable doesn’t matter. Whichever one can transport me like they do on Star Trek. But it’d have to be small enough to carry but large enough not to get lost. A radish? A peapod?
14. What do you think aliens would say about our strange Earth foods if they came to visit?
If they travel to Earth, I assume their food might be reduced to pills or another easily storable commodity. So it is the wide diversity of foods that would awe them. Then they’d become disgusted by how much of that food went to waste and how some people didn’t have enough to eat. Undoubtedly, they would be very judgy.
15. If foods had personalities, which two foods would make the weirdest couple, and why?
The potato would have the personality of the Potato Heads from the Toy Story movies, perhaps a bit stodgy. Meanwhile, if you’ve seen those wind dance air puppets, they remind me of celery. They’re flapping all over the place.