Sunday Stealing: Animal Questions

Ogden Nash

This week’s Sunday Stealing is Animal Questions from WTIT: The Blog.


1. If animals could talk, which one do you think would complain the most about their day?

Bee drones. “They don’t do much in the hive as they wait to mate with a queen bee from another colony. That means they are eating resources and taking up space. When the colony starts getting ready for winter, the worker bees, all female, kick the drones out. Sometimes, it’s swift, and I will find their stung dead bodies in the front of the hive.”


2. What do you think cats dream about during their epic naps?

An endless supply of food.


3. If squirrels organized an Olympics, what events would they have?

A decathlon, perhaps augmented. Surely, they can run, long jump, high jump, jump hurdles…


4. Do you think penguins are jealous of birds that can fly?

No, because they feel grounded. After all, they evolved from flighted birds.  Seriously, I worry about penguins because per Smithsonian: “The research suggests that the tuxedo-wearing waddlers might struggle to adapt to and survive the planet’s current rate of global warming.”


5. If animals had their own social media, what kind of posts would we see from them?

I’ve been fascinated by the Simon and Garfunkel song At The Zoo, which I wrote about here. It’d be just as annoying as the human variety.


6. What would be the title of the autobiography of a lazy house cat?

Caterwauling to Right Living


7. If you had to choose an animal to be your personal bodyguard, which one would you pick?
A panther: quick and strong, like the late T’Challa.
Loyal canines
8. Do you think dogs secretly judge us for not being able to sniff out everything they can?

Absolutely not. Dogs have evolved into being people pleasers. They like to be helpful, like Presbyterians.


9. If animals could wear clothes, which would have the best fashion sense?

I suppose I should ask someone from the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals or SINA, who require clothing for “any dog, cat, horse or cow that stands higher than 4 inches or longer than 6 inches.”  Racehorses already wear colors, so I’ll go with them. It wouldn’t be penguins or peacocks who are naturally snazzy. On a serious note, when it’s 110F (43.3C), as it was in Phoenix, AZ, for a month straight, it’s dangerous for dog paws. 


10. If a group of owls started a band, what would their music style be?

The choices are two. One is obvious: a hootenanny. The other is funk; since a gathering of owls is a parliament, I suggest they would emulate Parliament Funkadelic.


11. What do dolphins think when people swim with them?

The serious answer is that the interaction may benefit humans. However, “Dolphins… are wild animals, and human interaction can be detrimental.  Getting into a tank with a dolphin is theoretically no different than getting into a cage with a lion. Dolphins are apex predators and have the capability of killing a shark.”  So, it’s generally a bad idea and unethical, especially when they are in captivity.


12. What do you think squirrels gossip about when they chatter to each other in the trees?
The location of food, dogs, and traffic; the site of the Olympic tryouts.
Pink Floyd
13. If elephants played hide-and-seek, where do you think they’d hide?

In plain sight, trying to pretend to be a wall.


14. What do you imagine a llama would say if you asked it about the meaning of life?

Llamas have attitude, so they’d probably ask why you bother them with such a silly question.


The Lama – Ogden Nash

The one-l lama,
He's a priest.
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.
15. If you could swap places with any animal for a day, which one would it be, and why?
A cheetah, because being the fastest land animal in the world sounds cool.

Nov. rambling: the Opposite of Déjà Vu

The djt library

Permanent link to this comic: This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.
This means you’re free to copy and share these comics (but not to sell them).

DNA evidence proved Lydell Grant’s innocence

John Green – On Immunity, Inoculation, and Individuals and Hank Green- How We Teach: Individualist Stories

BP Evaluation and Treatment in Patients with  Prediabetes or Diabetes

More than anyone, Tom Heinsohn was Mr. Celtic

Golfer Jon Rahm Bounced a Ball Over Water to Get a Hole in One

Miami Marlins hire Kim Ng as MLB’s first female general manager

An Atlas of the Cosmos

Why Do Airline Dress Codes Still Exist?

Ken Levine’s podcast: Episode 200!

An Oral History of Marge vs The Monorail

How to Brace Yourself for Disappointment

Single foster dad adopts five siblings so they won’t be separated

60 Minutes Australia: John Cleese interview

What is the Opposite of Déjà Vu?

Word Genius: Most Beautiful Words  in the English Language

Food Waste in America in 2020 and Guide to  Food Storage for Healthier Eating


Meet The New First Dogs of the Country

The Angler Fish: A Mystery of The Deep

World’s Last Known White Giraffe Gets GPS Tracking Device

Woman the hunter: Ancient Andean remains challenge old ideas of who speared big game

Fire in The Pig Barn   at June Farms

After A Whale Dies, What Happens? and 50 Years Ago, Oregon Blew Up a Dead Whale. With Dynamite. On Live TV.

3 men banned from Yellowstone after trying to cook chicken in geyser

Ken Spears, R.I.P. Ruby, and Spears, who created and/or supervised some of the most popular animated characters ever on television including Scooby-Doo.

Commercials starting Alvin and the Chipmunks and David Seville


They learned English — and how to be American — from watching him

Tribute to a Travel Hero

Alex Trebek and Truth

Fordham benefactor

Choose Presence Over Judgment


Contestants’ Most Hated Word:  Preemption

Who Could Take Over as Jeopardy! Host. Maybe LeVar Burton?

Winners and Losers

The djt library

Can I Get Over Donald Trump?

THE REAGANS Proves Just How Closely Trump Followed an Old GOP Playbook

His top scandals

Over 220 LGBTQ candidates celebrate election victories

The Gap’s Deleted Post-Election Tweet Shows Just How Uninterested Many Americans Are in Unity Right Now

Germany calls on its young to be the Covid heroes  of 2020

Dilbert: Banana Is Not An Apple

Now I Know

A Long Way to Save a Few Quid and The Doctor With a  Vision for Vision and The I’m Not in Washington Defense and How Did the Squirrel Cross the Road? and The Pothole Vigilante


Paula White’s Re-Election Prayer For Donald Trump Ft. Lil KC Remix – WTFBRAHH

Violinist Hilary Hahn, performing Beethoven’s Concerto in D for Violin and Orchestra. Leonard Slatkin conducting the Detroit Symphony Orchestra.

Coverville: 1331: Sometimes They Come Back… and 1332: The Divine Comedy Cover Story and 1333: The Neil Young Cover Story III and  1334: Cover Stories for Graham Parker, Kim Wilde, and Björk

Les Miserables song One Day More

Vaughan Williams: Nation Shall Not Lift Up A Sword Against Nation/Glory To God In The Highest, from Dona Nobis Pacem

Tradicion from Fiddler on the Roof, performed in Panama

Medley of old  TV theme songs – Josh Groban, 2008 Emmy Awards

Bad Moon Rising – Julien Neel

I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

Sing – Carpenters

I’m in Love with a Big Blue Frog – Peter, Paul, and Mary (25th Anniversary Concert)

Baby Shark – PINKFONG Songs for Children, Watched over SEVEN BILLION times

Paul McCartney and Taylor Swift 

Wendy Carlos doesn’t need THIS biography


A is for animals – new ABCW site!

I felt sorry for it, almost.

I noticed this spring that I was much more aware of the animals in my midst. I heard the birds more clearly, and I spotted a woodpecker, a blue jay, a cardinal, and perhaps the fattest robin, sitting on our fence, that I’ve ever seen.

The neighbor’s cat, an outside feline, seems to want to come to our house. More than once, he was sitting right at the front door, and once at the back door. We think this would engender a bad outcome, especially because our indoor male cat, Midnight, is sometimes barely pleasant to us and our girl cat, Stormy.

We made the mistake of leaving a used pitcher of maple syrup on the kitchen counter after having pancakes. The next morning, the pitcher was overrun by ants! Yuck. We hadn’t seen any before then, in months. Now that we’ve cut off the food supply, we still see a stray insect in the strangest places, such as on the ceiling. The Daughter does NOT like them.

During a severe thunderstorm on May 18, we saw something crossing our yard. But it wasn’t until a massive lightning flash that I could determine it was a skunk. I felt sorry for it, almost.

But our strangest visitor to our backyard has to be the woodchuck. We never had one before this year, but this one has come by at least a half dozen times. My wife and I decided we needed to name the creature, so we call him/her? – we had no idea! – Murray, after Bill Murray, who was involved in a popular movie about February 2.

Initially, he may have been attracted to the compost bin deep in the back of the yard. But he has ventured much farther towards the back porch, digging holes for no discernible reason, and eating the grass, likely the clover.

He/she almost got to the picnic table near the house one morning when the next-door neighbor came out and startled Murray. For a nearly round creature, he/she moved surprisingly fast.

Then a few days later, SHE came back, much thinner, and with four offspring!

So there’s our recent menagerie, wild and domesticated.

ABC Wednesday at its new home, Round 21

C is for Collective Nouns

Recycle Congress in 2012.

From JEOPARDY! episode which aired on 11/11/11.

A large group of families that are related, it’s from the Gaelic for “family”. Answer below.

Here’s something someone e-mailed me, with some modifications, about collective nouns:

We are all familiar with a

Herd of cows (also the term, not necessarily exclusively, for antelope, boar, buffalo, chamois, chinchillas, deer, donkeys, elephants, elk, giraffes, gnus, goats, hippopotami, horses, kangaroos, llamas, moose, oxen, pigs, seals, walruses, whales, wolves, yaks, and zebras)

a Flock of chickens, (also camels, sheep, and various birds – including seagulls?)

a School of fish (also porpoises and whales)

and a Gaggle of geese.

However, perhaps less widely known are:

a Pride of lions,

a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens),

an Exaltation of doves.
And, presumably, because they look so wise:

a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive, and least intelligent of all primates.
And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not …a Congress!


Go green. Recycle Congress in 2012.

(Does this suggest that places with parliaments are smarter, more civilized – or if you prefer, civilised?)

The JEOPARDY! question: What is clan?

ABC Wednesday, Round 10.

A is for Animal Adjectives

Why does a quite provocative Paula Abdul video suddenly come to mind?

I’m in a bit of an animal rut groove the last couple weeks. I found this neat link to animal adjectives, most of which I never heard of. But it’s the familiar ones that got me thinking about how some of them get applied to people, sort of a reverse anthropomorphism.

These definitions come from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary. They are in addition to “having the characteristics of” said animal.

aquiline – curving like an eagle’s beak (an aquiline nose)

elephantine – having enormous size or strength: massive; clumsy, ponderous (elephantine verse)

feline (cat) – sleekly graceful; sly, treacherous; stealthy

porcine – overweight to the extent of resembling a pig

Don’t you think ALBERT Einstein (hey, an A word) looks rather leonine in this photograph? (Or is it that the noble lion is looking Einsteinesque?)

bovine – having qualities (as placidity or dullness) characteristic of oxen or cows

ursine (bear) – (a lumbering ursine gait)

serpentine – subtly wily or tempting; winding or turning one way and another (a serpentine road); having a compound curve whose central curve is convex

reptilian – cold-bloodedly treacherous (a reptilian villain — Theodore Dreiser)

(Why does a quite provocative Paula ABDUL video – yet another A – suddenly come to mind?)

canine (dog) – a conical pointed tooth; especially one situated between the lateral incisor and the first premolar [OK, that was a cheat]

I discovered that some of the words on the adjective list don’t show up in Merriam-Webster at all, such as troglodytine. Words such as hircine and limacine generate a message such as this:
Limacine, it turns out, isn’t in the free Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, where you just searched.
However, it is available in our premium Merriam-Webster Unabridged Dictionary. To see that definition in the Unabridged Dictionary, start your FREE trial now.

Fortunately, there is Wordnik, which has all of these words:
troglodytine -Resembling or having the characters of wrens, or Troglodytinæ (doesn’t this sound prehistoric?)
hircine – Of or characteristic of a goat, especially in strong odor.
limacine – Of, relating to, or resembling a slug.

The Wordnix definitions tend to be more complete, in large part because it pulls from multiple sources, including something called the Century Dictionary. While M-W says of asinine, “extremely or utterly foolish (an asinine excuse)”, Wordnik says, “stupid; obstinate; obtrusively silly; offensively awkward.”

Many of the prefixes match the animal’s scientific names, such as “a slug of the subfamily Limacinæ or family Limacidæ.”

I KNEW I should have studied Latin or Greek.

(Confidential to Lisa: THIS post.)

ABC Wednesday – Round 7

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