To all candidates running ads: Yeah, Negative ads seem to work. But is that what you want as your legacy?
To the voters, disgusted with negative ads: You may not know that in 1800 Thomas Jefferson’s opponents claimed that the anti-Federalists would “burn churches and murder opponents” to get the White House. So, those promises that negative campaigning will go away? Don’t believe ’em.
To Donald Rumsfeld: I’m sorry, Mr. Secretary. This will sound harsh, and probably ageist to boot, but when I’d see you on those Sunday morning news programs, you’d use words, but they didn’t SAY anything. I started to think of you as a doddering old fool. So, enjoy your retirement. Here are some well wishers.
To the President of the United States: Your ability to baldly prevaricate about Rummy’s status in your administration, even as you were planning his departure, gives me some…apprehension.
To What’s-His-Face: THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your attack on Michael J. Fox. You’ve gotten Democrat Claire McCaskill elected Senator from Missouri.
To Michael J. Fox: THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your classy response to What’s-His-Face.
To Tennessee Republicans: Thank you for reminding us that race still matters in America. (Wink, wink.)
To Nancy Pelosi, incoming Speaker of the House, and third in line to the Presidency come January: I’m happy for you. You wrangled Democrats to have some party discipline. My wife, I must say, is THRILLED with your upcoming new job, as I suspect many women (and men) are.
To Howard Dean, chair of the DNC: Congratulations on the 50 State Strategy, without which the Democrats would never have won the Senate in 2006.
To Bernie Sanders: Congratulations on your election to the Senate, the only independent. (Joseph Lieberman belongs to the Connecticut for Lieberman Party).
To Congressman-elect John Hall (D-NY, via Orleans): I read that you didn’t want to play your guitar much in public during your campaign, for fear that people wouldn’t take you seriously as a candidate. Well, go play your guitar, since it’s a stress reliever for you.
Do you ski? Since you are now going to be in the tradition of singer-songwriter-politician Sonny Bono, PLEASE be careful around trees.
To the press release: a belated 100th birthday!