“I wear a seven, And you’re out of order
‘Cause I can tell from here, You’re a seven and a quarter”
“Don’t Touch My Hat” by Lyle Lovett

I have a big head. I’m not talking ego here, I’m talking about the fact that I can seldom find a hat or cap that actually fits. Those “one size fits all” things don’t. Most hats sit on top of my head like a crown.

At my high school graduation, they had to pin my size 7 3/4 graduation cap on. Then I had to remove it for the Pledge of Allegiance, and it never did sit right again.

In the winter, it’s not so bad, as I can wear a knit cap. But in the summer, I need protection for my increasingly follicle-less pate. The only cap that has actually fit me I got from the Census Bureau, of all places.

Last weekend, visiting the in-laws, we stopped at several stores with no particular success. Then I found not one, but two hats that fit, and they were on sale so I bought them both, one blue and one white. They are porkpie hats.

My wife says I look retro chic. Definitely retro; others can determine chic. But it’s a matter of function over form.
To celebrate Sergeant Pepper’s 40th birthday, The Sun in the UK has given the classic montage a modern-day makeover, by replacing all the people with modern-day celebrities. The Beatles are replaced by their kids, and Bob Dylan is replaced by…Bob Dylan. Fred Hembeck (June 4) also weighs in on the album.


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