My occupation, formerly, obscurely

insomnia

brainexplorerThe next item in the Prompt Book is “What is your occupation? Explain in the most obscure way possible.” I’m going with my most recent one, prior to retirement.

I was an explorer. Early on, I was attracted to exploring. I guess you’d say that I was discoverer-adjacent, or maybe a voyager without the training.

As an explorer, I had this big machete, which I would use to chop down trees, bundle some of the branches, and ship them off to those in need.

Strange thing, though. The forests got thicker. Much thicker. Some of the trees were accessible to everyone, stooped over so that almost anyone could take the branches they needed. This was, in theory, a wonderful thing. The democratization of exploration. Some people assumed that my job wouldn’t be needed anymore.

But then the forest became overgrown. It became more and more difficult to discern which branches were useful, and which were actually just leafy thorns. Now I wasn’t needed to access the low-hanging branches. But my expertise was useful to make sure the branches I did chop were of sufficient quality for the task at hand. That machete became quite necessary.

Poltergeist

Next question. “You discover that there is a poltergeist in your house. How has it been haunting you?”

It has been interrupting my sleep. The damn thing then reminds me of all of the things I did that I should not have, and all the things I didn’t do that I should have. In the former category, if you’ve ever felt aggrieved by something I did, there’s about a 90% chance that I remember it, and an 81% likelihood that I feel bad about it.

It has led to long stretches of insomnia. I’ve needed to eat nothing after about 7 pm and get really exhausted in order to sleep six hours in a row.